Opening the book

Open: After a break

2009-10-29T16:56:00.000-07:00

Its been a while since I wrote. And now I am restarting, hopefully to not stop again.

Numerous events, some good, some bad, some need a mention, some were unmentionable. I was tempted to write on numerous occasions but I pushed that feeling away. Probably it was because of my habit of not saying how I feel until I have processed my feelings completely.

So I am no more a PhD student here at Leicester. I am not sure what I am going to do and I am certain of doing something. It was quite an interesting situation and a definitively pain in the ass one. I have been filled with mixed emotions up until now. Since past 3-4 days, emotions are becoming rather distinctive and I clearly feel happy about 'being relieved from a PhD duty'. At the same time a daunting question has stood in front of me - what do I want to do? It is the same simple question that Robin Williams asks Will Hunting in the movie Good Will Hunting. Surprisingly enough I have a complex answer ready for this one but no simple, straight forward answer. It is a nasty feeling, I must admit.

Earlier today I finally managed to write about it to Ponkshe sir, "if I listen to someone, then its him" as I fondly described him to Manisha. And its the truth.. his advice along with grandpa's advice is the one I take extremely seriously. Its not a conscious effort but it works out like that. I am waiting to hear more from him tomorrow, let's see what he has to say.

It hasn't been happy hunting ground for a while but I hope to change that. I think I have had enough of slump.

Open: Headache

2009-04-22T12:41:00.000-07:00

Having a headache, which doesn't seem to leave you at peace in the evening. What do you do, have a cup of tea! It worked like a magical charm... It didn't push the headache away but it made me think...

"whether investment on the part of government in the primary education can induce structured behavioural patterns associated with choice making process for a common man"... now that seems awfully awkward to read and grasp.

Here is what I thought : Imagine a tree, a full grown tree with spread out branches and also the roots. All the branches grow in a pattern. They are not random, as they are only finite in number and randomness purely cannot exist as it would require absolute infinite units. Hence the growth of tree will exert a pattern. If this concept is applied to an economy, I see government playing the role of roots and everyone else i.e. the public/people/common man is on the visible side.
If we apply social networking principle, we would find that people are related to each other in a structured manner, like a pattern. The choices they make are not truly autonomous. They are affected by the people around (branches) them and the surroundings they are living in (whether the branch has enough space to grow or not). This implies that there exist a behavioural pattern for a common man when it comes to making choices. I am not talking about a single branch that gives out fruits much better than any other branch because it has better access to sunlight.

I am talking about an initial scenario wherein I am assuming that all branches have equal space and freedom to grow and have equal access to sunlight. Now when I want to relate it with the reality I will have to change these words as equal access, equal space, freedom wouldn't really apply. So when it comes to talking about branches (cities/ production units/ industrial townships) I must talk about individual/ different scenarios pertaining to access. And whether there is any pattern in that.
I think there must be a pattern and pattern between similar branches.

Now if there is a pattern, this pattern is initiated by the investment from the root i.e. the government. If government wants to initiate a behavioural pattern then it has to invest and affect the choices. In order to affect the choices made by the people, the availability of resources must be known to them. It implies that people have information at their disposal. If people are to interpret the information in the best possible manner then they should be educated i.e. primary education has to be substantially powerful. Therefore government has to invest in the primary education.

Now the question, does it actually hold? Can I prove it?..........

Rumble in the thoughts - I

2009-03-13T13:54:00.000-07:00

The days have kept me occupied for various reasons, some good some bad and some confusing. The reasons that are tagged as good and bad are usual visitors but I intend to say a few things about that confusion. I must admit it is a feeling that I want it and I don't want it at the same time.
The good ones are cheering me up all the time and destroying the negative vibes created by the bad ones. Sounds like a novel that is NY Times bestseller (?!)....

The confusion started from a simple thing: I was watching some part of the movie Matrix where Neo says " I believe in something". I didn't pay much attention to it at that time.
This line came back at me like a bullet train whilst writing a particular game that Prof. S1 was talking about, wherein the payoffs are predetermined (beliefs are formed on the basis of rationality).
I understand the fact that expected utility theory (EuT) has to hold in order to witness the successful functioning of classical game theory. This EuT talks about indifference resulting from rationality assumption and then adds common knowledge ( I know that you know that I know that you know...infinite iterations). It gives you a wonderful idea of Nash Equilibrium.

At this point I remember S1 mentioning in his first lecture that the idea of rationality has to be looked at from an objective point of view and not silly debatable point of view. In cases considered for primary analysis (in class) rationality would imply players trying to maximise their payoffs. I do not want to undermine this phase as it is helping me immense in developing a better understanding of the subject and its scope at the same time.

(With this background stated) I have not been wondering about everyday life - I have been wondering about specific pieces, such as why doesn't a group of people called economist do not wish to be flexible, why doesn't the science of economics actually become science et al. It is certainly astounding that this group bases its actions (the whole set of actions) on preliminary groundwork of assumptions. It appears that the strong assumption of rationality is twisted and manipulated to such an extent that rationality has actually diminished from those arguments. Their arguments are restricted towards "what should be", but they are no more pointing towards "utopia" either.
The other question remains, if this is supposed to be a science then where is the methodology that states 'prove it on the basis of what you saw'.... I am still pondering over that.

Coming back to the game theory and its implications, I was wondering how would the payoffs be in real life with judgement heuristics (evolution based) playing the role of backbone. I have heard my Prof. S2 saying that these things are way too difficult, but I wish to say otherwise. If this is what I see everyday and mathematics is tool that is the most efficient then where is the problem - I club them together and write it out. I am aware that it is not easy as I am making it sound but definitely not as difficult as S2 makes it sound.
The reason why I feel so is due to an experiment I did this afternoon. During the class on Behavioural Finance, I thought of using game theory (the classical tools) for defining a 3 period model i.e. a finite game of asset trading with arbitrageurs and noise traders. It was quite an exciting exercise, probably the best one that I did since I have come here (James and I worked on it together).

The comments from S1 were on technical points as we had expected, but S2 merely said that it is okay and game theory is not a way to model it. He went to speak about how beautiful behavioural economics is and I couldn't appreciate it ( though I got to know a few new things in that conversation). When I remember the incident it was more like a man talking who is profoundly flattered by the subject - gave me weird feeling......

Open.... yet pondering

2009-01-28T05:00:00.000-08:00

....so as I ponder and contnue to wonder over the fact that learning and studying has gone to trash. All that has remained is something that resembles a process of learning and studying. I wonder why people are not disturbed by the fact that all they are doing is actually wasting time. If it is merely a question of learning concepts by heart and remembering things so that you can achieve maximisation of marks ( a negative externality as I referred to it this morning whilst talking to Adam) then why not do it at a public library!! It would be cheaper with no headaches, no tensed moments et al.

When I say all that I am aware of the fact that there are concrete reasons why I am being part of it and loving some of it. I do not want to miss out on the pleasure that I get from knowing the unknown in a classroom filled with differentiated individuals and ask questions without worrying about the answer or whether it is right - wrong. The feeling is immensely trivial and yet rather common. So common that it becomes a part of your day to day life and you do not want to change the routine. It is as if a daily dose of LSD that an addicted is looking for... It is a pretty strong simile to be used in such a case but I believe it matches the intensity. Probably another irony; pleasure is intense to a level that only insanity and irrational behaviour could match it!!

Yet again to place the irony in place I must admit that most of the people will not agree on this aspect as it may merely increase their "workload" and would be "insanely idiotic". And is an argument that I do not understand. Yet I wish to admit the fact that I understand the sentiments behind them. I may be wrong but one is occupied in day to day life and doesn't want to get rid of that cycle as it comforts her and offers and easy way out. So the tough route isn't opted by many and one may see another example of 80-20 rule being in operation....

Open... ponder

2009-01-27T12:29:00.000-08:00

Come to think of it, writing when I feel like, is more of a habit now... Though I had decided to write every week at least once on this blog it didn't work out well. I tried doing that 3-4 times and I always thought I am forcing myself to come up with words and that is not my style nor is it in my characteristic. Although I agree with some of the expert thoughts which state that "one must write in order to write and hence needs to be regular, even though forced!" But it is probably my rebellious nature that will rebel and repel such thoughts. Probably I am like Zaheer Khan, a rhythm bowler; a rhythm writer!!

Going back to the first line I wrote today: ' writing when I feel like, is more of a habit now', definitely illustrates a paradox. May be something I am fond of without taking any deliberate efforts.
So when I am thinking about the reasons as to why I chose to do a PhD, I seem to be supporting my reasons and criticising them at the same time. At the same time, I am glad that I am being me now. The primary reason is that for the past 3-4 months I was appreciating every single thing/ situation and not criticising. The ever (self)loved bitter tongue was gone! And now I feel like it is back in business...

I am probably not able to use correct words right now, but I am asking myself what am I doing, why am I doing.. is this what I want? And that hazy feeling that haunted me a year back has reappeared on the stage. I have started finding a lot of faults in a lot of things and yet not stop enjoying myself.. irony irony... though I love it and adore it; it can drive my completely crazy and insane. And it starts indicating why I am unhappy with my life ( although I am happy with the 60%)...
certain things.. I detest the malfunctioning of the system in my country and in the world, I detest the fact that in learning or studying is "performance" oriented than "performance" being a part of it.
I understand the fact that a measuring rod will always be required but whether that 'measuring rod is the only way to function', is something that I refute and cannot accept.

The idea of learning is process filled with different stages and in this world of specialisation we want to stick to step 1 or 2 when performance is the ends and not understanding, assimilation, analysis. I understand the fact that these processes are not required for everyone, so I do not wish to stress on them in the area of early education but having experienced the 'imparting knowledge' process myself ( being at the receiving end until now) I believe it is an experience everyone should try and grasp at some stage or the other.....

Open.. it has been a while... driven to craziness!

2008-12-14T13:15:00.000-08:00

Been a while since I came to this page in past few weeks. I had promised myself that I would visit this page each week at least once; but I guess I didn't keep my word.

The semester is over and in between I have been around to a few places; the classrooms, the University, London, Nottingham, Birmingham.. Fun part is going pretty well and the study part... not so well. I am putting in a good number of study hours, but the problem is elsewhere.

Before coming here, I completely believed in the 'power of economics' that it can solve numerous problems in the world. But as I am studying/ preparing for examinations, the models that I am reviewing seem to be baffling me without exceptions.
They seem to defy the whole intention of solving the problems and seem to revolve in the world of their own. This disparity is stunning, e.g. the assumption of rational expectation doesn't seem to appeal as it assumes that the man on the street takes into consideration the FOC, simplifications, saddle path constructions etc and comes to the point where equilibrium settles and then paper money, interest rates are poured into picture.

Even if I accept these models as they are and try and look for rest of the pieces of the block, I cannot find any because there is a whole open space to look at. And now I'm questioning myself, whether or not it is sane to study the subject furthermore. Also, why am I studying this subject?
When I am dreaming about helping out the single most important entity in an economy i.e. the last individual; and my hands are full with stuff that doesn't even make any sense beyond textbooks that are not bought by many and small seminar rooms.

So what happens to the big picture? The picture that one is supposed to be concerned about?... or it doesn't ever become the big picture and stays a small petty dot farther away?

I am stupefied!

Open... comments

2008-11-20T12:37:00.000-08:00

It is simply a feeling that certain things are not meant for the life, even though we face it now and then or never, but simply hear about them. I have always read about such a feeling and always heard from people that it takes place.. It takes place and sends a current through your spine into your head to boil your blood. I was fortunate (?), only to witness some of it. It doesn't appeal to me, nor does it make any sense to me... I believe it hasn't made sense to many of the 6.5 billion people who live and many of those who died in the past.

When you are walking out of a superstore and all you can think about is managing the bags that you have bought; all of a sudden you hear "....... (particular nationality) disgust me. there are so many of them staying at University accommodation, and they are plain disgusting!!"...wow! I must admit, it simply makes no sense to me!
I was stunned for a while, I experienced the same chill in my spine that I have heard of, but I smiled after that... I don't know why and how, but I smiled and didn't turn around with boiling blood. It is quite amazing, when I look back at this really small incident. I am amazed at the shallowness of the great evolved human mind. This is the mind that shall discover answers to the questions such as, how did the Earth was born or what happens when two atoms fuse.. and here, when you are with your team mates, all you see is the skin colour... I do not understand!!

Life being a finite numbered superlative, these ridiculous words would reduce it's value in real terms. One may very well live for 90 years but his/ her words may have reduced the real life span to only about 45 years. Do we not want to value our life in all terms? It seems like, people seem to have been caught up in the illusion of nominal terms. Nobody cares about the real term and when you do.... but then, you like only the Maverick from Top Gun!!

So in one place they talk about colour/ nationality and whilst elsewhere they talk about a verbal denomination used for classifying the society. A system formed to exercise a basic economics principle of division of labour and facilitate a rather efficient society. This was a thought that definitely depicted development and not merely growth of prospering kingdoms then. The repurcussions of this event can be called as 'yet another classic way of humans to twist the simple things'...

These two are parallel entities which show how shallow the human mind is! I believe the shallowness is a part of the vicious circle that we all are part of; arising out of insecurity and endless search for comfort zones. Every one is looking for a comfort zone and everyone is feeling insecured... why? It is simply illogical and idiotic!
The big nation that which should be most developed isn't the most developed. It is always looking for excuses to search and destroy and cover up the superiority complex ( which results from inferiority complex)... They never like to leave their land but like to use buttons instead of facing their fears. I am not surprised when claims like prices increase because populous nations are eating more food than usual, are made.... This macro insecurity drips down to micro level and you 'n me and him 'n her and everyone else start saying "oh no, what if...?" I feel stating behaviour of a nation is important because it represents the behaviour of most of the nation. The shallowness of mind and insecurity of the common man is reflected in the behaviour of a nation. It is a direct and strong effect... And behaviour of a strong and big nation will affect another nation; effect will trickle down to the common man of that nation.. and it goes on!!

.............................

I am speechless right now, but probably these words are making me feel extremely powerful.

open.... retire!!

2008-11-12T10:10:00.000-08:00

I do not plan to retire though this title says retire! Second thoughts : I would love to retire and eat brilliant cuisines made by my wife ( I am still unmarried) and still not get fat and impart knowledge and wisdom ( I dont have it)..... to sum up, a perfect retirement plan!!

But there are these two guys in India who retired in past few days. Now, why would I care about two guys in a country of billions... let me go back in the history ( i love history, more than economics)...................................... here we are!! I roughly remember sloppy fielding, crappy cricket shots that even I wouldn't play while playing on the street and low shoulders; watching India play Pakistan, Australia, West Indies in the very late 80's and early 90's. I remember shouting and screaming for lost chances, ridiculous run outs even when I was 6 years old. And then (eureka!) I remember exquisite backfoot cover drives, straight drives and daring hooks to steaming fast bowlers who were like bowling machines custom fitted with V8 engines... I see that boyish dude, and I exclaim... he's just one of us and he's supercool. For the next few years, all I did was, watch India's matches because of that boy and the captain who could move his bat like a paintbrush...

In comes, a spect-a-cular guy...! tall fellow.. really weird action and bowls spin.... AND the ball doesn't even spin... but the hell, he knocks the stumps down more than the fast bowlers... whoa! that is so cool... and then one day, he gives away just 12 runs and picks up 6 wickets!! 6 wickets in a one day match.... he's from heaven! My friends and myself started using finger spin whilst we played cricket... and tried not turning the ball.

Then there was this time when a left handed guy scored a century at Lord's... aahhh well I wasn't all that excited. I said, so what... forgot about it. I saw another guy try to reach century at that time, and he didn't! I loved his stance, his steady head and copy book cricket style. It seemed like, he CANNOT get out. I had never seen such a defense... And most importantly, his expression while he batted never changed.... just about never ever for next so many years.

Enter one time, when the great guy who still looked boyish wanted to just bat and do nothing else. So this guy from Lord's says, i'll do the needful. Some time went by and then I didn't see low shoulders, crappy shots played by half the team. It was more like " we own this place". I started seeing fielders field, dive on the field and occasionaly swear back at some of the teams on the ground. One fine day the big team comes to India to play... saying all these big things -- they start big and i exclaimed with million others " damn it! guys do something"... and they did really something. And for the first time I saw 'my' captain say 'eye for an eye'.... clinch his fists and shout "yes, we did it". It was just what I was saying dancing in front of the tv set.... and I couldn't believe my eyes. Few months later, in a press conference in a different country he says " we are here to win and not bullshit"... and I thought, is this for real?!...
.......
..........
..............

So we thought we live happily ever after! But, it isn't true or should I say, it's more or less true. The spect-a-cular guy and the first true 'my' captain said, we are tired now!
I didn't even hear them say it. I merely read those words. The news poked sharply in vital spot. I always thought I would at least see it.... but, I didn't have the pleasure of it.
To be honest, it was one of the worst days. It could have been the best, have I had the chance of seeing them retire rather than read...
It reminds me of all those perfect evenings I had see India win and not so perfect evenings when India lost... It feels like an overfull bag was suddenly half emptied. And I can feel it. I completely agree with the sentiments (http://content-usa.cricinfo.com/magazine/content/story/376791.html -- and yes, it is a marginal inspiration for this write up) of many who are in their 20's... " I get bored of this fast bowler acting like a steam engine instead of a bowler"... the spirit seems to be gone, 'I may well be loosing my religion', I may be loosing my faith, I may be loosing my inspiration... I may be loosing it.. I wonder what would happen to my passion and truth about love when two of those from that bag will say, we are tired too! Like any other foolish Indian fanatic, I don't want to see that day.

This is the sentiment of romance... feeling that the romance should never end!
I am aware that it must and it will....... when I say that, I go back into history.....(yet again)....... I remember telling my friend " did you see our new wicketkeeper? he's got longer hair than number of girls...hahaha weirdo!". Then one day I saw him "axing" the cricket ball and it was mind blowing... it was baffling!.. some ads said he drink litres of milk and what not... It was pretty "cool" to see him do all that. Enter scene... he lifts up World cup! wow.... and he's still on the ground when he bats, keeps, talks and captains!!... It seemed like, that guy looks ordinary ( definitely no panache of 'my' captain) but is doing something beyond ordinary...

I am satisfied.. and I am pleased. I know, my passion and my love are in safe hands... they won't be distorted. He says something - the new guys who come in, will be coming in with their own pair of shoes and not to fill in the empty shoes!!!!..... I am in comfort zone, and I know, I will have to look forward to the future.

Amen!

open... ( my blog posts will remain unedited)

2008-11-10T11:37:00.000-08:00

It is pretty nice that I have blog.... two reasons why I may be having it - escape from sending long mails to people back in India ( off shoot inspiration from Maria :) ) and elsewhere, and continuing my efforts to write.

I have never been out of the protective environment of my city, my house, my family and my friends AND yet I feel that I am no novoice when it comes to staying alone. Probably the only the thing that makes me feel a novoice is the weekly shopping adventure and balancing the weekly expenditure...

I remember when my mom would tell me how hard it was for her to adjust in Britain when she came here in late 70's and it doesn't seem to exist for me. It is simply absent. Something that I was sharing with a friend over a cup of coffee last evening.. evolution of human beings. Evolution in every small and big thing... The simplest one that I see is, parents find themselves completely dumbfounded and stupid in front of their growing kids and probably think, we were the once in charge of "we drive the thought" process but now we are nowhere to be seen. Thankfully I am not part of that process as yet and can still feel like a king of the thought processes and feel that I can affect thinking of people around me. And find myself as NOT stupid in most cases.

We are so called or are the advanced species but we can't even do simple things that our ancestors did with ease, e.g. casting iron, bronze for day to day usage ( ref: yesterday's conversation over coffee at Olive's).... I think that says a lot about progress and may be convinience and definitely some about common sense ( fanatics and media like to refer to it as economics).

Progress remind me of the word development and that reminds me of instances in past few weeks : there have been two classes when computers in the classroom have refuse to respond to the wishes of the professor and lecture has been delayed... and I thought, wow, I was supposed to be in a developed country. Then the other two instances : I was supposed to get a replacement power adapter for my pc in 3 weeks and got it in less than 10 days ( I had requested that it's an emergency) and received textbook from amazon.co.uk much before than I had expected... yet again I said, wow, I was supposed to be in a developed country. I know that my tone was definitely different in these two cases... definitely different.

I should say bienvenue....!!